


No Good Deed

by Greyias



Category: Star Wars Legends: The Old Republic (Video Game)
Genre: F/M, Humor, Married Couple, Post-Jedi Under Siege
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-03
Updated: 2019-03-03
Packaged: 2019-11-08 18:59:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17986811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Greyias/pseuds/Greyias
Summary: Theron had always known that introducing Jonas Balkar to the Alliance at large was going to be a mistake.





	No Good Deed

**Author's Note:**

> Written for a prompt on Tumblr: “So I noticed you’re naked. Is that intentional…or..?
> 
> Semi-sequel to the fic, ["For a Good Cause"](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12813525)

Theron had always known that introducing Jonas Balkar to the Alliance at large was going to be a mistake. There was a _reason_ he’d kept their meetings to neutral locations attached to neither Republic nor Alliance strongholds. It was just good business. Not to mention that when both spies got into the same room, Theron somehow seemed to always wind up with at least one black eye. 

And if Theron could have had his way, he would have made _damn_ sure that Jonas and the Alliance’s Commander never met up — although that had less to do with Alliance business and more to do with wanting to keep his wife far, _far_ away from Jonas’s endless flirting. Unfortunately recent events meant Theron no longer had the luxury of keeping all the spheres of his life neat and separate.

Sadly.

“So I noticed you’re naked,” Jonas said a little too casually, not bothering to hide his smirk as he waggled the calendar in Theron’s direction. “Is that intentional…or…?”

“Are you asking if I just _forgot_ to wear my clothes for a calendar shoot?”

“It’s an honest question!” Jonas insisted. “You have to admit, it wouldn’t be the first time.”

Theron shot a glare first at his fellow spy, and then at his wife who let out an indignant snort. Both of them answered the look with a winning smile, which just made him wrinkle his nose in disgust. This was the _other_ reason he didn’t want these two to get chummy — they had far too many stories they could share with each other. And both had grown immune to his glares.

“First off, I’m wearing a bow so technically I’m not naked. And secondly, I have never once _forgotten_ my clothes,” Theron said indignantly.

“What about on the Ascendant Spear?” Grey asked curiously.

“I didn’t _forget_ them there. It was a strategic decision based on—”

“My dear Commander,” Jonas cut in, “when my friend says ‘strategic decision’ what he really means is a five-second impulse he couldn’t smother.”

“I don’t believe that for a moment,” the love of Theron’s life said, sticking up for him.

“Thank you,” he said emphatically, “at least someone—”

“You will need to show me proof that he’s ever actually successfully resisted an impulse.”

“Hey! That’s not fair!” he protested. “I think everything I do through.”

The high, disbelieving eyebrow arched at him spoke volumes as she just stared at him, casually running one finger along the rim of her glass.

“Name _one_ impulsive thing I’ve done.”

She cleared her throat, brow somehow managing to arch _higher_ as she subtly mimed a train running along a gravtrack. Theron felt heat rush to his cheeks and very quickly took a long sip from his glass of whiskey as Jonas struggled to contain his laugh. Technically that answer was incorrect because he had put a _lot_ of planning and forethought into that whole operation — but he was also smart enough to know there was no winning any conversation or argument when that subject came up.

“The real question is,” he fumbled awkwardly, trying to switch topics, “how many copies of that thing you have.”

“Wouldn’t you like to know?”

“Yes. That’s why I asked.”

Grey shot him a wide, dimpled smile, the freckles on her cheeks standing out prominently against the rosy hue that had taken up residence after her second glass of Durindfire. It almost matched the soft red glow of the phosphorescent drink, and he suspected was responsible for the appearance of that damned calendar. Rum seemed to bring out the Jedi’s flirtatious side, and so he’d steered her towards what he’d thought would be a much safer alcoholic beverage for this outing. Clearly he had miscalculated and summoned a mischievous imp instead.

“Well, I always have a copy in my quarters on my ship because—”

“ _Anyway_ ,” Theron said loudly before that explanation could go any further, “the point remains is that these are isolated incidents. I got talked into posing in the nude for a _charity_ calendar and just one time I was stuck in a broiling engine room and stripped down so I wouldn’t stain my undercover clothes. There is no pattern.”

“What about the goat?” Jonas asked.

“Goat?” Grey echoed as she peered into the glowing remnants of her glass and missed Theron’s desperate gesture for Jonas to stop talking.

A brief, but elaborate pantomime routine ensued, where Jonas re-enacted a few key moments from the incident in question, and Theron tried to illustrate exactly how he would murder and where he’d bury his fellow spy’s body if he told the story. It was followed by a series of silent negotiations that Theron wasn’t sure the exact parameters of, but was pretty certain he’d just agreed to craft a new identity for Jonas to carouse around Nar Shaddaa in. Which maybe was fair since he’d accidentally gotten his friend banned from every classy establishment on the moon.

“No, no, I think the lovely lady misheard me,” Jonas said smoothly as Grey looked up at the two spies blinking back at her innocently, “I said _bet_.”

She frowned, looking back at her empty glass. “Maybe I’ve had too much to drink.”

“Perhaps,” Theron said, hand unconsciously drifting to rest on her knee as he shot a disgruntled look at Jonas that was clearly meant to say ‘stop flirting with my wife’.

Jonas’s toothy grin clearly replied back that he was making no promises in that regard, but aloud announced, “Nonsense! I’ll order us another round.”

“No, I want to hear about this bet first!” she insisted.

Theron rolled his eyes up to the many, many decorative durasilk coverings draped along the tall ceiling in the cantina, wondering what he’d ever done to deserve this. Other than the incident with the stupid train. And stealing Jonas’s identity to infiltrate a fancy restaurant. Or the—okay. Maybe he’d done a few things, if he were being completely honest with himself.

“Well, it was almost Life Day, and we had just finished up an assignment where I’d saved this idiot’s life.”

“That sounds about right,” Grey said, “go on.”

Theron let out an annoyed huff, but decided to let it slide this time. The sooner this was over with, the sooner he could shuffle his very inebriated Jedi back to _the Defender_ and get her to bed. And then hopefully search the entire vessel stern to bow for more copies of that damnable calendar that he could toss into the incinerator.

“The exact details of the assignment aren’t important (not to mention classified)—“ Jonas ignored the very un-Jedilike derisive snort, “—but _someone_ who shall not be named, because I am bound by Republic law to not disclose sensitive information, nearly blew the entire operation at a certain privately owned moon because he got asked to do a few minor IT calls.”

“Look, you would have snapped too if you’d had to see what that Special Executive had done to his computer terminal!”

At the mention of a privately owned moon, as well as the unique corporate title, Grey frowned. “Wait, when was this?”

“14 ATC.”

“That’s… around the same time the Republic began to seize Czerka’s assets. And I had to head to CZ-198 to disable a very dangerous security system and take on a Special Executive by the name of Rasmus Blys.” Theron took another long sip from his whiskey and Jonas mirrored the action as they both looked anywhere but at the blonde now staring at both of them suspiciously. “Awful strange timing.”

“Yeah,” Theron coughed, “it’s, uh, very coincidental.”

“Truly,” Jonas agreed. 

“I haven’t had enough alcohol for this,” she muttered. “What does this have to do with a bet?”

“Genius here,” Jonas thumbed in the direction of his former partner, “made a wager that he’d be able to uncover the top secret intel we’d need as a lowly network technician.”

“I’m a damn good slicer,” Theron insisted, “it was a sure thing! And Ras—I mean, this unnamed executive practically had tech support as the first entry in his holodex. All I had to do was get in, get the intel, and get out. No one would be the wiser.”

“Funny. And what did you find on these tech support calls again?”

“Porn,” Theron groaned, covering his face with his hands, “so much porn.”

Jonas couldn’t contain his smirk. “Needless to say, things quickly went sideways, and we had to make a hasty exit.”

“What was the wager?” Grey asked curiously.

“I, uh, may have boasted that I was so sure my plan would work, that I would march an entire lap around Carrick Station.”

“That doesn’t sound so bad,” she said.

“In nothing but his ‘Life Day briefs’,” Jonas said, forming air quotes.

A high-pitched giggle escaped the inebriated Jedi and she leaned onto the table towards Jonas, nearly spilling what was left of both glasses of whiskey. “Please, _please_ tell me you have holos.”

“Master Jedi, you wound me!” Jonas sounded almost offended. “Of _course_ I do.”

As he reached for a small datapad stowed away in an inner pocket of his jacket, Theron let out a world weary sigh. He was never going to hear the end of this.

* * *

 

**Author's Note:**

> The Nekkid Theron Life Day Parade from December 2018, featuring Theron Shan (x4), Theorn Shanks, Keldae, andveryginger, MJayde66, and Rixen (who said I had to find a way to work it in to a story where Theron had lost a bet with Jonas — luckily I had already started on this prompt, so it worked out nicely ;)


End file.
